He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
