It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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