the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
