after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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