Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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