I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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