it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
ttyl tear gas
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
