Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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