ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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