Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
