i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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