Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
