I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
