glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
