guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
