My balls are so social today.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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