I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
