Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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