why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
