there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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