note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
