shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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