Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
