He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
