and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
