you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
