she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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