Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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