My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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