so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
