I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
