i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize