He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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