I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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