it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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