And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
