I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
