bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
