God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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