Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
