she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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