i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
