Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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