So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
