I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
