the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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