Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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