just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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