Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
