giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
