Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize