every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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