He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
