I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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