I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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