Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
