Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
