Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
