i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize