Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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