he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize