Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You work out of a Hotel?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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