ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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