Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
