We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
