We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
